04 Aralık 2009, Cuma
saat: 01:43
i have managed to get sick again. twice in one month. thanks to all my friends and relatives carrying the little viruses around. it's only a cold this time, but it's still making me feel like shit, and i am either sleeping or awake but sleepy.
of course i am discouraged, don't tell me that wasn't your intent. in fact, i have been discouraged or disappointed in one way or another constantly for the past year and a half. this was the first time i gave in though, i gave up. i fought being discouraged so far to keep the hope alive. now i have cognitive dissonance to deal with on top of many other things.
i am settling down in a way, i am accepting things as they are. no more expectations, which i think is one of the worst things that can happen to a person.
feeling like an idiot the whole way, i went and fixed everything. there are things i keep telling myself i don't want to do anymore. pretending to have fun might be one of them.
