26 Şubat 2010, Cuma
saat: 00:27
I was perfectly happy today, feeling syrupy, floaty and blissful, all thanks to snow day. For the first time probably, I loved being in upstate NY- just because it snowed so much that my dreadful 3-hour political science seminar class was cancelled. Yes, the one for which I had to write a reaction paper -and I didn't.
But my bright smile lasted until I realized I wouldn't have any of these next year.
I know, since I received that letter from Rochester, I have done nothing but sulk with the occasional break for a panic attack over my future, but really I can't help feeling like this. All I keep saying as I cry to my mom on the phone is that no one told me it was going to be this hard. And the fact that no one ever warned me how difficult being an adult would be made things a whole lot harder...
Today, after hanging up the phone,I just stared at the floor, fighting back the tears. Then I grabbed my laptop off the desk and climbed into bed, firing up the saddest songs on my iTunes and crying. When Gulce found me, my eyes were puffy and I had already a stack of tissues piled next to me. She climbed into bed with me and went into the standard talk. While she was talking, I stared at the ceiling, wondering what's wrong with me. Gulce stayed with me for awhile trying to distract me, offering to make me dinner and talking about our spring plans. But none of these could stop the tears soaking the top of my t-shirt, and eventually I spent the next few hours crying myself to sleep...
Right now, I'm emotionally and physically exhausted- believe or not, I cry at "Democracy in Plural Societies", it is crazy.
All I want to do is sleep so I can't feel the pain.
