04 Nisan 2010, Pazar
saat: 02:30
It is fucking difficult not to have anyone to talk to when you need someone. Or just to be with for the sake of it. I feel so miserable, so unhappy right now. It is not my kinda thing to listen to swing music and cry. It is not my thing. I feel old, you know? Not because i am getting actually older, but because i am so weak for life sometimes. I just am so fucking bored to be alone. And it is not temporary. When i get back, i know that i will keep being alone. It has been my life. Just not voluntarily.
I am loaded by myself and i am afraid i got used to it. I forgot how to be around people. I don't even look at people while i'm out. I need a shrink to talk to. How pathetic is that?
So fucking unhappy. That's what i feel. And everybody else has something else to think about when i got only myself. And i'm tired to hear the optimistic stuff. Oh, yes i am. "Oh hang in there honey" Really? Hang in there? Well fuck you and your pink glasses fucking Pollyanna doll.
But one thing i am sure of is that there is no such thing as karma and being yourself does not take you anywhere. Sure?
Oh, absofuckinglutely!
